I've been struggling a bit this week, feeling exhausted and just down about everything. This is not like me at all, so I decided to write a post on how I'm feeling and why.
I went to the grocery store on my lunch break today to pick up some delicious sushi. As I looked around, I saw so many women my age doing their weekly grocery shopping in tennis or regular workout clothes. I immediately became jealous and got somewhat depressed about having to rush out of there and head back to work. Then I stopped myself and thought, "what is wrong with you?! Don't you love to travel? Don't you enjoy shopping when you feel like it (or when the hubby allows)? Don't you like being able to go out to lunch or dinner or spend money on other useless things when you want?" Of course I do! I love my job, I love my life, and I'm so thankful for it all...it's just hard dealing with the everyday stresses at times. The grass is always greener, so they say.
Though we might be over a decade into the 21st century, there are times when I feel like I'm trapped in 1950 (of course this is without regard to my post being written entirely on my smartphone and immediately posted to Facebook). Not going to get into too much detail here, but it's sad that this gender gap still exists. That said, I could still be in the same position I was back in 2007. I'm pretty sure the grass is greener right here. :)
Everyone around me is getting pregnant. While I've tried to convince myself I'm not sad about the fact that I am not getting pregnant, I guess that's just it...I've been talking myself out of it. Let me assure you that I am BEYOND thrilled for my friends and family who are expecting, and I'm going to be the greatest aunt, friend, etc. in the world! I guess today was the first day I realized that this might not be in the cards for us, after taking yet another test this morning and getting a negative result. I have to point out that while we aren't "officially" trying, let's just say that if it could've happened, it sure would have this month. Did you know there are only 2 (sometimes 3) days a month you can actually get pregnant? For all those who say "we weren't really trying" or "it was an accident," I'm not your biggest fan...just kidding. :) But I am a little J. After feeling sorry for myself for most of the morning (especially after receiving a sweet email from my aunt about carrying a child being the one miracle women get to share with God), I had to stop and remind myself of these wonderful things: I can spoil my niece Bailey, future nephew Cash, and all my wonderful friends' babies as much and any time I want...I can drink a glass or two (or bottle) of wine this evening if I want...I can get as drunk and have as much fun as I want at Kelly's bachelorette party next weekend (yessssss!)...I can keep my running regimen above 25-30 miles per week if I want...I can be as selfish with my time as I want. Regardless of how things turn out, I know it will all be according to God's plan. As my amazing momma said this morning, "we don't know what God's plan is or when it will happen. But He does, and it will be worth the wait." I love you, Mom! :)
"The grass is always greener on the other side," so they say. But that's actually not true. The grass is greenest where it's watered. It's time I start watering this "grass" I've been given. We are truly blessed and have so much to look forward to these next few months. I guess I just needed a reminder to stop dwelling on what's not and be so thankful for what is: a loving husband, amazing family, great friends, my health, a great job, a nice home, Buster the Boston Terrier, and so much more.
With it being tail-wagging Tuesday and all, I had to post a pic of our son, Buster. He always makes me smile. :)